I suppose it's an appropriate time, to break in this new keyboard on the awful OS that is Windows 8, given the commercial qualities which now comprise anything left of a holiday spirit.
I almost feel bad for anyone dumb enough to buy a laptop... but ignorance isn't bliss, financially speaking. Anyhow... I'll admit Im slightly perturbed at the virtual happenings of the other night - which I plan to describe in detail, so if you've never played a game, you aren't my target audience anyhow... so lay down in a road or something.
Jammin'
This post isn't about rastafarian culture, believe it or not. It's about the most unfair online experience I have ever had. The name: NBA Jam. The game: fun but so utterly corrupt it cannot be taken seriously. For readers in a cave - NBA Jam is an 'arcade' basetkball game which falsely attempts to mask itself as the superior product of NBA Hangtime on N64... "know what I'm sayin?"
Regardless, Ive played said game more times than I'd care to admit. After dominating the "real AI" difficulty with the Bobcats vs the Heat I decided it was time to 'step my game up.' Little did I realize what didn't await me: victory. NBA Jam Online is perhaps the most corrupt entity I have ever experienced. I have yet to discover another game that quite literally rewards the loser(s) with a win, in almost every instance. Unless you win on a last second shot in the 4th quarter you will never, ever be guaranteed a win... if your opponent quits... you lose: always.
So last night I decided to try and break the trend. Predictably I had been drinking a little bit.
After around 15 beers, I was on a 12-game "losing" streak. Losing because when I'm beat I take my L's like a man and when I win, even vs 2 ppl which is seemingly the norm, I am habitually quit upon. This is despite the fact that every 2-person team picks either the Lakers, Heat or the even more ridiculous "Team EA."
This same 2-person team who I'd somewhat embarassed earlier with a Greek team kept getting assigned to me, and rejected me continually. Did I give them satisfaction... yes and no. I messaged one of them on PSN with something along the lines of "I guess 2v1 won't help at this point, huh?"
Hook, line, sinker. The bait was taken and the rematch was imminent. I picked my A-team, the Timberwolves - the most underestimated American team in the game. If you can't guess who they picked by now... stop reading and start cutting... yourself. They picked the Heat. Shocker.
I was Love + Kirilenko - AK47, which I reminded them with via blutooth with every three he made.
We were tied in the 4th quarter - and it was seriously Gordon Time - :24 seconds left. Kirilenko steal... Love for 3. Wade retaliated with one of his own as it's impossible to defend to real people.
Tied once again... with 4 seconds left, Heat inbound. Kirilenko stole the pass and passed it to Love who was already up in the air... oop I did it again... says the announcer. The backboard shatters as the buzzer sounds. Let's just say I received several messages back, none of which were as 'civil' as mine. Ask for, and thy shall receive - with Love.
Chatter
..And this is where the tale resumes. Only in the glory of victory can one appreciate its counterpart.
..And no that isn't fore-shadowing. Although if it was, I wouldn't admit it.
Anyhow, I'm somewhat inebriated at this point and my self confidence after a sole "win" was sky high. I'll clarify what "somewhat inebriated" entails as I have had two 4-Loko's (each of which contain 24 oz's of 12% "straight alchohol") and most of the 18 pack I bought earlier. The great combination of Irish-Scotch-German DNA plus liquid confidence: the perfect equation for a confrontation... in a Matt Damon movie.
I heard sound from above and I ran upstairs to resonate. My father had returned home from a night of ballroom dancing. Im sure my dog could smell the pheremones of overconfidence. Once I saw who was upstairs I retreated back downstairs to continue watching "White Collar," as I cannot get through Nip/Tuck season 4.
"So that's that gay guy, right?" My dad asks me upon wandering downstairs.
"Uhh, what?" I reply.
"Oh, I meant that guy on the show, the good looking one, he's gay... you didn't know?"
"No... what difference would that make?"
"I just figured you'd know, you saw the article I emailed you, right?"
(My dad constantly emails me articles which he knows are against my view to annoy me: anti-man-induced global warming, the uselessness of recycling, etc) - And his subject line is always "thought you'd find this interesting." Needless to say, I have yet to receive 1 reply from a counter-arguement that isn's a hyperlink.
Back to the story... "What article?" I asked.
"The one about the FDA... and how all supplements are illegitimate."
"I have no idea what you're referring to but this has 'big pharma' written all over it. Do you beleive everything you read?"
He attempts to respond here... but I interrupt him.
"I already see your response coming. You have 5 tells. I've never played poker but if I did I'd clean you out in 3 hands."
He is laughing at this point.
"If you believe everything you read... you're a fool and I guess I'll give up on you." I said, somewhat annoyed.
"So you believe everything you read in your 'scientific journals?' he quips.
"No." I state angrily. "I don't believe anything I read. Reading isn't simply assimilation, it's the art of interpretation. How do you not know this?!?"
"I don't read. It seems like a waste of time." - I have essentially no reply to this so I simply default - and get mad.
"But now that you mention it, I guess if you don't believe anything you read, I have the ability to counter all of your arguments right-off-the-bat? Huh?"
"So you send me worthless articles to annoy me for what reason?" I queried.
"I haven't sent you any worthless articles." he stated plainly. As a door was shut in my face... the victim of yet another backhanded, utterly stupid but nonetheless appropriate...
Reality Check.
