Today something happened to me for the first time. I hit an animal. It was pretty devestating to both the animal's general well-being and my own psychological state. Afterward I thought a little more about the issue in depth. I think people drive these literal killing machines we call cars with a certain purpose. Pre-destination. We start a car wanting to go somewhere before we get there - which makes sense? What also makes sense is the predestinational focus we have on the road - which I suppose is both a compliment and an insult. My reasoning being if we focus on the road we can't focus off-road to the same extent. Anyhow... the animal I hit was a snake. I'm not very proud of it. Although the silver lining is it did get me thinking, is there a worse animal to avoid? It's a slow moving animal (which was longer than my car is wide) that moves relatively slowly, albeit for deliberate reasons, that enjoys laying out on a hot surface to enhance it's metabolic properties. Essentially everything except biblical fairy tales makes snakes the worst thing to avoid on the road, sorry children. If I possessed godlike vision I may have been able to avoid it by wrecking my car, but clearly my car is a lot more important than a living, breathing being - not from hell, although it was a snake, strangely enough.
Hell hath no fury...
As a male I find the statement hell "hath no fury like a woman scorned" hilariouis. After an hour of deliberation I couldn't fathom who might've came up with it - the only thing of my perceived value I discerned was that the bible was probably written by a woman - but who cares as everyone can write stories? Anyhow, getting back to the issue at hand, a woman scorned, I scorned a woman the other day - rather easily. After I scorned her and she assaulted me, legally, she proceeded to call the authorities on me only to be escorted off my residence. The gall was more than I could bear. Here you have a person of lesser, essentially everything, and that's not in general just in this case - (not including weight though) hitting me in the face because of something I said while simultaneously counting on the fact I wouldn't retaliate for legal reasons. I'll elaborate: I went upstairs and found my fat-slut of a sister there who supposedly wants nothing to do with me, there.
The next verbal exchange was pretty straight forward. She makes an unassuming snide comment in my direction. I respond with a verbal blitzkrieg. I have the evolutionary upper hand (in a dispute, sorry ladies) ... why wouldn't I? She responded typically. What happens to prey backed into a corner? Desperation. Which is ironic given that she started the process. I was wearing my glasses and she slaps them off my face - pretty bold and a good strategic move if it was intentional. The problem being assaulting an individual who is your superior in every aspect is pretty-much the worst strategy, ever. So she slaps the glasses off my face and as they echo on the ground comes in with her left for another blow. Right here, ironically enough, my fight-or-flight kick's in - it's time to start trying - I instantly riposted her attempt and grabbed her hand. Predictably she came in with her other arm trying to assault me further, it didn't work. While I grabbed her other arm, I laughed - in her face. Icing on the cake-eater. Some people might not brag about beating a girl in a fight, luckily this wasn't a fight and more importantly I'm not one of them. As a wrestler I found out rather harshly and unfortunately, if you're in the weight class, you go, period. And I discovered this rule having to wrestle a girl who was several weightclasses above me, yet inferior in every aspect of the sport. Imagine you're being told to pin a retarded little kid... that's almost what it's like - except more akward.
Anyhow back to the 'fight' she tries to knee me in my groin and I come to the inner realization "this bitch is out of control" and use both of her arms against her. I twisted both of her arms and threw her to the ground while staring at her, semi-laughing and saying "dumb cunt, get the fuck out of here." Clearly this didn't please her. After assaulting me she still had the confidence to call the police on me. Vaginal entitlement off the charts.
It didn't work. The officer, who clearly wasn't taking this seriously, said he was legally bound to ask me certain questions. Yes... the holy grail. For once the law was on MY SIDE. The right side. While I didn't understand it, I went with it. Upon seeing that I had finally been cast in the role of of a situational victim I immediately divested the opportunity. Nearly all the questions I always wanted to ask a cop were now green-lit. It'd take several paragraphs to cover all of them but the most pertinent one is to follow: "What do you think the percentage of domestic disturbances and/or assaults are in terms of gender? Like does one happen far more than the other - what's the breakdown?" For some reason, instead of arresting, fining or shooting me, he answered me. "It's pretty much 50%-50%," he said - although he didn't say percent.
I inquired a little bit further. "So if it's 50-50, then what do you think the true ratio is, as more crimes go unreported than are commited?"
"Probably about 60-40."
"In terms of whom?"
"Females because most males don't report crimes." The exact answer I had anticipated.
By now the police had both statements and were ready to take action. For whatever reason, probably the history of the property, there were four of them "dealing" with us. ALL of them approached me. Then proceeded to ask me what to do. I'm busting. My exuberance was off the chart. I tried my hardest not to jump around chanting in my sisters face and while it was extremely difficult, I managed. I chose not to press charges but said that I wanter her escorted off the property immediately. They proceded to do so as I sat on my steps, drinking a beer savouring yet another...
Reality Check.
Hell hath no fury...
As a male I find the statement hell "hath no fury like a woman scorned" hilariouis. After an hour of deliberation I couldn't fathom who might've came up with it - the only thing of my perceived value I discerned was that the bible was probably written by a woman - but who cares as everyone can write stories? Anyhow, getting back to the issue at hand, a woman scorned, I scorned a woman the other day - rather easily. After I scorned her and she assaulted me, legally, she proceeded to call the authorities on me only to be escorted off my residence. The gall was more than I could bear. Here you have a person of lesser, essentially everything, and that's not in general just in this case - (not including weight though) hitting me in the face because of something I said while simultaneously counting on the fact I wouldn't retaliate for legal reasons. I'll elaborate: I went upstairs and found my fat-slut of a sister there who supposedly wants nothing to do with me, there.
The next verbal exchange was pretty straight forward. She makes an unassuming snide comment in my direction. I respond with a verbal blitzkrieg. I have the evolutionary upper hand (in a dispute, sorry ladies) ... why wouldn't I? She responded typically. What happens to prey backed into a corner? Desperation. Which is ironic given that she started the process. I was wearing my glasses and she slaps them off my face - pretty bold and a good strategic move if it was intentional. The problem being assaulting an individual who is your superior in every aspect is pretty-much the worst strategy, ever. So she slaps the glasses off my face and as they echo on the ground comes in with her left for another blow. Right here, ironically enough, my fight-or-flight kick's in - it's time to start trying - I instantly riposted her attempt and grabbed her hand. Predictably she came in with her other arm trying to assault me further, it didn't work. While I grabbed her other arm, I laughed - in her face. Icing on the cake-eater. Some people might not brag about beating a girl in a fight, luckily this wasn't a fight and more importantly I'm not one of them. As a wrestler I found out rather harshly and unfortunately, if you're in the weight class, you go, period. And I discovered this rule having to wrestle a girl who was several weightclasses above me, yet inferior in every aspect of the sport. Imagine you're being told to pin a retarded little kid... that's almost what it's like - except more akward.
Anyhow back to the 'fight' she tries to knee me in my groin and I come to the inner realization "this bitch is out of control" and use both of her arms against her. I twisted both of her arms and threw her to the ground while staring at her, semi-laughing and saying "dumb cunt, get the fuck out of here." Clearly this didn't please her. After assaulting me she still had the confidence to call the police on me. Vaginal entitlement off the charts.
It didn't work. The officer, who clearly wasn't taking this seriously, said he was legally bound to ask me certain questions. Yes... the holy grail. For once the law was on MY SIDE. The right side. While I didn't understand it, I went with it. Upon seeing that I had finally been cast in the role of of a situational victim I immediately divested the opportunity. Nearly all the questions I always wanted to ask a cop were now green-lit. It'd take several paragraphs to cover all of them but the most pertinent one is to follow: "What do you think the percentage of domestic disturbances and/or assaults are in terms of gender? Like does one happen far more than the other - what's the breakdown?" For some reason, instead of arresting, fining or shooting me, he answered me. "It's pretty much 50%-50%," he said - although he didn't say percent.
I inquired a little bit further. "So if it's 50-50, then what do you think the true ratio is, as more crimes go unreported than are commited?"
"Probably about 60-40."
"In terms of whom?"
"Females because most males don't report crimes." The exact answer I had anticipated.
By now the police had both statements and were ready to take action. For whatever reason, probably the history of the property, there were four of them "dealing" with us. ALL of them approached me. Then proceeded to ask me what to do. I'm busting. My exuberance was off the chart. I tried my hardest not to jump around chanting in my sisters face and while it was extremely difficult, I managed. I chose not to press charges but said that I wanter her escorted off the property immediately. They proceded to do so as I sat on my steps, drinking a beer savouring yet another...
Reality Check.
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