It's around 5AM on Halloween and (I'm lonely - stop it Matchbox 20) after I played through the requisite video game bonuses (most decent games do something different for Halloween). I have been trying to figure out what my horror movie line-up of today should be. This prospect inevitably had me thinking of how I would rank horror movies All-Time. I found this prospect to be too-hard so like all the bullshit sports journalists out there, I decided to label it Power Rankings instead. This way my opinion is essentially meaningless and I can change it on a whim. I'm writing about 7 because that's all I thought were deserving and I plan to do the bottom 7 of best terrible horror movies later today. First thing first:
#1 The Ring - This was fantastic. At the time it felt almost like a horror-culture-shock. There have been several psychological studies on the "fake news" issue as of late - and most of them have ushered the conclusion that if you repeat something enough, it's effectively "true" to people. This movie mastered that with the random jump cuts to the past and the girl in the well and of course the true underlying theme of the movie: 5:13. To the uninitiated the movie that starts the cycle is started at 5:13.
#2 SAW: The original SAW was amazing. It was the perfect expose on what free will really meant and what moral questions weren't asked. Is your own soul worth saving? It's appropriate that despite being one of the most violent movies in these rankings, it's probably the most religious. All of the horror involved in these movies is justified in a quasi-moral sense. The same can't generally be said for any other movies on this list.
#3 30 Days of Night - Holy shit. This was terrifying. Josh Harnett's best movie - although I guess that isn't saying much - Lucky Number Sleven sucked. The entire concept of Vampires was challenged in this movie. The writers essentially made vampires a roaming gang of ancient vagrants who patrol the arctic circle, because of the disrupted light cycle. The really great part about the portrayal of these vampires is that they're intelligent but so brutal & violent that their intelligence can hardly be appreciated as anything other than some basic prey drive. However the truth is revealed brutally in a portion of the movie where one of the "rational" humans begs god for his life and then the vampire looks at him in a cock-eyed direction that a confused dog would look at a person - and replied: "God?" he questioned. "No God" he replied as he ate his face.
#4 The Blair Witch Project: Anyone who knows me at all shouldn't be shocked by this movies inclusion. It is the original "found footage" horror movie. That in itself should cement its status here. It's like this is the first reality show in the horror movie industry. But... this one was actually good. In the end there is no conclusion, it's just left up to interpretation. Although it's safe to say no one completes the project.
#5 Final Destination 2: Logjam. Everyone who has seen this movie instantly knows what I mean and why this movie is so utterly terrifying. Everyone can imagine this happening to them on the highway - which makes total sense as car accidents are one of the leading cause of American deaths. There is no denying that there is a distinct pre and post effect to watching this movie. I can attest to being irrationally terrified whilst driving behind trucks with logs despite the fact that I know the chance of them falling off is essentially none. That's effective shock & awe.
#6 28 Days Later: The only legitimate zombie movie. I have a real problem with Zombie's in general as I feel they're a lazy intellectual concept. All other monsters seem to have some type of sovereignty. This makes them actually psychologically scary in addition to making them physically scary. For whatever reason, zombie movies don't care about this at all and thus are usually incredibly contrived and ridiculous. Not this one. These zombies are an active infection. An open festering wound, yellow and brimming with puss. They'll throw up in your face & mouth regardless of their own physical status. These are the only credible Zombies in movies that I have ever seen.
#7 The Decent: I feel like this is one of the most underappreciated movies on the list. The premise is a bunch of women go down to South America to spelunk. Then they aptly descend into caves, get lost and encounter these startling looking cave dwelling predators. The concept sounds really basic and somewhat lame - however this movie is shot and directed magnificently. The startle points are ridiculously effective and the limited view of the creatures keeps applying the mysterious aspect to them.
#1 The Ring - This was fantastic. At the time it felt almost like a horror-culture-shock. There have been several psychological studies on the "fake news" issue as of late - and most of them have ushered the conclusion that if you repeat something enough, it's effectively "true" to people. This movie mastered that with the random jump cuts to the past and the girl in the well and of course the true underlying theme of the movie: 5:13. To the uninitiated the movie that starts the cycle is started at 5:13.
#2 SAW: The original SAW was amazing. It was the perfect expose on what free will really meant and what moral questions weren't asked. Is your own soul worth saving? It's appropriate that despite being one of the most violent movies in these rankings, it's probably the most religious. All of the horror involved in these movies is justified in a quasi-moral sense. The same can't generally be said for any other movies on this list.
#3 30 Days of Night - Holy shit. This was terrifying. Josh Harnett's best movie - although I guess that isn't saying much - Lucky Number Sleven sucked. The entire concept of Vampires was challenged in this movie. The writers essentially made vampires a roaming gang of ancient vagrants who patrol the arctic circle, because of the disrupted light cycle. The really great part about the portrayal of these vampires is that they're intelligent but so brutal & violent that their intelligence can hardly be appreciated as anything other than some basic prey drive. However the truth is revealed brutally in a portion of the movie where one of the "rational" humans begs god for his life and then the vampire looks at him in a cock-eyed direction that a confused dog would look at a person - and replied: "God?" he questioned. "No God" he replied as he ate his face.
#4 The Blair Witch Project: Anyone who knows me at all shouldn't be shocked by this movies inclusion. It is the original "found footage" horror movie. That in itself should cement its status here. It's like this is the first reality show in the horror movie industry. But... this one was actually good. In the end there is no conclusion, it's just left up to interpretation. Although it's safe to say no one completes the project.
#5 Final Destination 2: Logjam. Everyone who has seen this movie instantly knows what I mean and why this movie is so utterly terrifying. Everyone can imagine this happening to them on the highway - which makes total sense as car accidents are one of the leading cause of American deaths. There is no denying that there is a distinct pre and post effect to watching this movie. I can attest to being irrationally terrified whilst driving behind trucks with logs despite the fact that I know the chance of them falling off is essentially none. That's effective shock & awe.
#6 28 Days Later: The only legitimate zombie movie. I have a real problem with Zombie's in general as I feel they're a lazy intellectual concept. All other monsters seem to have some type of sovereignty. This makes them actually psychologically scary in addition to making them physically scary. For whatever reason, zombie movies don't care about this at all and thus are usually incredibly contrived and ridiculous. Not this one. These zombies are an active infection. An open festering wound, yellow and brimming with puss. They'll throw up in your face & mouth regardless of their own physical status. These are the only credible Zombies in movies that I have ever seen.
#7 The Decent: I feel like this is one of the most underappreciated movies on the list. The premise is a bunch of women go down to South America to spelunk. Then they aptly descend into caves, get lost and encounter these startling looking cave dwelling predators. The concept sounds really basic and somewhat lame - however this movie is shot and directed magnificently. The startle points are ridiculously effective and the limited view of the creatures keeps applying the mysterious aspect to them.
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