Bad Hair Day

I'd like to give some friendly advice as a foreword before I write the rest of this. Apparently... two Hebrew National Hotdogs, a bunch of Fritos Scoopes and 18 Beast lights as a sole meal doesn't sit well after 12 hours of nothing else but beer.. I guess these are the kind of things you have to learn through experience. Anyhow, next time I suppose I'll consume something else before I get above sweet 16 and end up wasting 2 beers through regurgitation. I'm only warning people so they dont waste alchohol, by the way.

So lately I've been going back and forth about shaving my head. It'd just be easier and Ive thought.. well why not? The sober, procrastinating version of myself has hindered this goal however so the other night when I was in my best and normal state of mind I decided make sure my haircut happened. Basically out of nowhere, I blasted a bunch of techno/dance music and went to my bathroom. I got my hair-clippers out and without literally any hesitation took a huge swipe down the center of my head, inverse mohawk style. I proceeded to do the same thing once again, then afterward I made a square on the left side of my head and just basically took a bunch of random hair off on the right side. At the time my justification for this was 'this will make sure I finish it tomorrow.'
So the next morning I wake up to take a piss, then look in the mirror by accident and start laughing my ass off. I initially thought about shaving it off then out of how horrid it looks but then I figure, "I'll do it later, when I get wasted." So start getting ready to go to the gas station to get more beer since my case basically gone, I open my backdoor to see how cold it is outside - what my beer run attire will be today... And randomly who is standing right outside my backdoor but Chuck McGovern (Who is almost never, ever anywhere but his room upstairs let alone the backyard, right outside my door; it was definately bad timing, since I was going to see how long I could keep my hairstyle without him noticing). At first he looks at me startled, then double-takes and stares at my head, obviously. Then says 'What happened to your head.' I kind of panic, totally tired, hungover and not ready for this confrontation and say something stupid 'I started cutting my hair and I didn't finish.' That's a Jarred Douglas excuse if I ever heard one.

Chuck: It looks like someone else did it (No doubt, assuming I passed out and someone did this to me.)
Me: Nope it was me.
Chuck: (doesnt say anything and looks around puzzled- thinking of what to say no doubt)
Me: (Stare at him with an akward look, he had to have been trying not to laugh)
Chuck: Oh I bet you probably got drunk or something and thought it was funny...(which is true)
Me: Shut the door in his face.
. . . . .
After I get back from the gas station getting beer....

Chuck: So you didnt finish your haircut yet.
Me: Nope.
Chuck: When are you going to finish it?
Me: Now that you mention it, I think I'm going to keep it like this... for a while.
Chuck: You're going to cut it; you're not going down to Florida like that.
Me: No. I'm not.
Chuck: You're cutting it.
Me: ...Nope (slams door - told).

Needless to say...my hairstyle is still exactly the same.