McGovern Player of the Game - Game 7

Wow. Game 7 was truly a spectacle to behold. And for once, fortunately, it went just as I had hoped. LeBron & Kyrie spanked the Warriors in the 4th quarter just as I'd expected as the Golden State's two primary offensive options were absent. How about I take your mouth-guard, while you choke on your own saliva, Mr. Curry?
Nonetheless the best moment in the series, as far as I'm concerned, didn't happen in this game but in game 5, I believe. Curry tried to put-back a lay-up at the rim after the play was over and he was initially denied. LeBron said no. It was symbolic of the series. LeBron started to try and Curry started to cry. LeBron got a lot of flak earlier in the playoffs for criticizing what it really means to really be an MVP. Well, perhaps he wasn't as far off as idiotic programs like ESPN "First Take" make him out to be.
Golden State as a team, honestly played like shit. I hardly gave any of them many points, as they didn't deserve many. The Cavs were obviously slightly better. It's pertinent to know, this was, in my opinion, the closest & best Finals match-up since the Heat vs Spurs in 2013.

McGovern Player of the Game - Game 7
Golden State:
Curry +2-3+2 (1)
Thompson +1+3 (4)
Barnes (1)

Cavaliers:
Irving +1-1+1+2+2+3 (8)
James +1+2+1+1+1+2+1+1+3 (13)
Love +1+2+1 (4)
Shumpert +1+1 (2)
Jefferson (1)
Smith +1+1+2 (4)

With a total of 3 games (to T. Thompson's 2) LeBron James is the 2016 McGovern Player of the Finals. Unfortunately this is the first time in history the MPOTF has coincided with the Finals MVP as well, causing me to subsequently question myself. The subsequent "award" I didn't question at all, however.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals:
Green:+1+2+3+4+1 (11)
Refs: +1-1
WNBA: (2)

This news may come as a shocker. But with an aggregate total of seven-thousand five-hundred and seventy-five Draymond Green is by far the MCGOVERN FAGGOT OF THE FINALS. Fucking cheap-shot piece of shit nut-shotting asshole. Honestly, there are few things lower than a man who acts like a tough guy but cheap-shots other guys in the balls. There hasn't been a more deserving candidate since the Miami Heat fans when they faced the Mavs, after their team & fans were served a much deserved...

... Reality Check.

McGovern Player of the Finals - Game 6

So.. my night starts as such: I arrive home late after "helping" two girls setup for some dancing-dating event. Those quotes implying the fact that the least of the work was relegated to them, despite the fact I was staying late (while the finals were upcoming!)
Nonetheless, I efficiently cruised through every subsequent demand. Like Cruisin' USA checkpoints - what an awesome game. 

I know a brief synopsis and explanation for why it wasn't presented as usual is in order, so here goes:
I was incredibly drunk, couldn't type and I honestly didn't feel like it. I subsequently played UT3 afterward and got 1 rampage, which on godlike, is difficult. So yeah, sorry I meant to the next day at work, just.... I don't feel like making excuses so that's that. I'll give a quick recap below... or I could simply list the scores and regal how I got drunk & lost tonight (for several hours, walking around in Charlotte).

McGovern Player of the Game - Game 5
Golden State:

Curry -1+1+1-1+1-1+1-1-1-1 (-1)
Green: N/A
Barbosa: +1
Ezili: 2

Speights -1

Livingston +1+2 (3)
Iguodala +1+1+1+2+1 (6)

Cavs:
Dellavedova -1
Irving -1+1+1+1+1+1+2+1+2+1+1(11)

James -1+1+1+1+1+1+2+1+2+1+1(11)
T. Thompson +1+1+1+1-1 (3)
Shump(y)ert +1 +1-1 +1 (2)
Jefferson +1+1+1+1-1 (3)
Smith +1+2+1-1 (3)
Love -1-1+1-1-1 (-3)

McGovern FAGGOT of the game - game 5:
Green N/a
Warriors Fans +1+10+11 (22)
Refs +1-1+1+2 (3)

WNBA ( 3)

Welp, there was no Love lost here... terrible, yeah? Kevin was once again the worst $130M addition to this team. Thanks Cavs. My Wolves are howling at this shit. Speaking of howling: ie. desolate dreary or deluded.
Don't worry you weak soft pathetic GSW bandwagon-ers, I won't do that to you. As long as you know your role, that is.

NOW TO THE GAME & TALE AT HAND:

Thursday, 6/17, I get home from work and what do I see? Nothing at all. I've been delayed because of business delays and inept employees. One of them quite literally, told me "chill Chase."... of all the things not to say to your superior, specifically me, that's #1. So of course I flip out and try and figure out if anything around the ballroom premises  is incorrect - whew, it isn't (yet).
Then I said fuck these cunts, it's my finals time - actually, none of those words entered my mind, or mouth. But yeah I was thinking about the NBA Finals Game 6 (I don't like D . Green)


Golden State:
Curry -1*-1-1+1-3+2 (-1)
K. Thompson +1+1+1++2+1+1+2 (9)
Livingston +2 (2)
Barnes (1)
Iguodala (+2)

Bogut (+1)

Cavaliers: Irving: +2-1+2+1+1+1 (6)
James: +2+1+2+3+2+1+2+2 (15)
Love -3+2+1+1+4 (4)
T. Thompson -2+3+2+4+1 (5)
Jefferson +1 +1 (2)
Smith -2+2+2+1 (3)
Williams 2
Jones 2

Before I could write any of this down, I took 16 shots and tried to get to a bar where an associate I knew was having a party. Little did I know... It'd take 5 hopped fences, several closed bars and sketchy parking lots + my gps to guide me back.

I had been lost in Charlotte for 2+ hours, while having GPS. I refuse to take more than 50% of the blame here. So I had drank waaaay to much beforehand, clearly. I'm not going to make excuses, like Curry shouldn't 16 shots before.... way more shot than that later? What can you say at this point? Curry isn't a good Finals player. Period. Is he bad? No? Is he above average? Absolutely? Is he Great.... 'fraid not, son.
I can't tell you how glad this makes me. On a scale of 1-10 sports bullshit. 1-being The vikings got (cheated) out of the Superbowl, and 10 being, well Jimmy Johnson, this is at least a 0. Way to choke you dough eyed soft faggot.

On that note, let's switch moods and reveal the
McGovern FAGGOT of the GAME - GAME 6
Green +1+10+5+1+V? have no idea what that last one was - I'm going to count it as 5 (roman)
M. Jackson -10 (meaning he made a good comment)
WNBA +6 (Is there a ribbon for this shit yet?)

FAGGOT NOTES:

Green really is a loud mouth motherfucker. I'd bet on LeBron vs him in a fight in a sec. Although, I bet he'd really give him a battle. Sadly, I'm too exhausted for more FAGGOT notes, as tonight, I was the FAGGOT who was lost for 2 hours, despite GPS, which was largely ineffective, giving me somewhat of a ...
Reality Check.

McGovern Player of the Game - Game 4

So I attempted to write this last night. When I woke up the words on the screen made no sense: "But... then I thought, can I? Roughly an hour and a half passed between the last time I'd try to write about what happened. Okay?
I still am witnessing, "What?" "Something beautiful," says the blind man....
Nothing happened, this was just my first human intervention.
So 'bout 'dem Finals:"
Yeah. That was what I wrote last night. Moronic idiocy. Anyhow: 'Bout 'dem Finals:

Golden State:
K. Thompson: -1+1+2+1+1+3-2 (7)
Curry: -2-1+1+1+2-2+1+1-1 (0)
Green: N/A
Ezeli -2
Livingston +1+1+2+1 (5)
Barnes +1+3+2+4 (10)
Iguodala +2+1+1+2 (6)
Varejao +1+2-8 (-5)

Cavaliers:
Irving +1-2+1+3+1-1+1+3-1 (6)
James: +1-1+2+1-1+2-2+1+1+1+1-1 (7)
T. Thompson +1+1+1+1+1+3+2+2 (12)
Shumpert +1
Jefferson +2+2+2 (6)
Smith +1+1+2+1 (5)
Love +2+1-1+1+2 (5)

GAME NOTES: This game was a nightmare. The worst kind of game to experience for me. A game where the team I'd like to win, despite playing well, clearly won't win because their opponent isn't playing very well, and they're still either tied or essentially close, throughout the first half. It's like a boa constrictor vs an alligator. It may be even at first... but eventuality sets in when oxygen doesn't. The Cavs didn't look gassed necessarily though, just utterly outplayed, which is what annoyed me most. Aside from James, the only Cav who really seemed into his zone was T. Thompson. What a beast! The scary part is I still don't think Curry really played well. He's one of those... you know what you call them... shy-cats? He's been awful in every Finals game he's been in, which I love. Jefferson was solid. Barnes was once again - in my opinion - the best player on the floor for Golden State - for the 2nd game in a row. And... I'll get to Draymond later...

...And now: later.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game - Game 4
Green+2+5+7+5+1+1+5
Warriors Fans N/A
Refs +5+5+10+10 (30)
WNBA (7)

FAGGOT NOTES:
I really really really don't like Draymond Green. He is a great player, but everything about him annoys me. Thus, he's almost a shoe in for FAGGOT of the Finals at this point. Although the FAGGOT point-system is different and cumulative, so if someone were to get a negative 2k for example, he'd be dethroned so to speak. Nonetheless, I don't like him however... I dislike the refs so far in the entirety of the playoffs more. They seem almost unbridled in their bias toward Golden State. They let Cleveland win one, just for ratings and now it seems like whoever is in their ear simply told them "enough." Now the poster-boys - emphasis on the word boy to describe Curry - and yes I could and would tap him out, are back to the forefront with their soft-play nerf bullshit. Fuck them. Also: I added the WNBA because their adds are present on the sidelines during a Finals game! WTF? Do you know how much those adds cost? A clue: More than any WNBA team makes in a year. Wait, I meant to say the league, as it doesn't, and hasn't ever created any revenue. It's a charity. It literally loses money, year after year while the NBA fully funds it. Equal rights, right? If there is no market for a business it normally fails, unless you're a woman in America who demands some type of justice, despite the fact that in any intelligent person's eyes she's not truly earning herself a paycheck, just...
A reality check.

McGovern of Player of the Game - Game 3 (and brief 2 recap)

Apologies to all for not regaling you all with my utter disgust for Game 2, however after it had ended I was in such an enraged & inebriated state, my attempts to even write a paragraph detailing the game both failed in what could be described as miserable pile of contemptuous babble.
As usual I promised myself I'd do it the next day and woke up late and was subsequently strangled by what I guess could be tenuously called responsibilities.
Anyhow, here's how the points went, followed by an always succinct summary.

McGovern Player of the Game - Game 2
Golden State:
K. Thompson: -1+1+2+1 (3)
Curry: -1+1-1+1+1+1 (2)
D. Green: (demoted - n/a)
Barbosa: +2+1+1 (4)
Ezeli: (1)
Speights: (1)
Livingston: +2+2+1+2 (7)
Barnes: +1+1 (2)
Bogut: +1+1+2+1 (5)
Igoudala: +1+1+1+1 (4)

Cavaliers:
Dellavedova: (1)
Irving: -2-1-1-6 (-10)
James: +2+1+1+1-1-1+1-1-1 (2)
Jones: (-2)
T. Thompson: +1+2 (3)
Love: +1-1+1 (1)
Shumpert (1)
Clarke (1)
Smith -2-1 (-3)
Jefferson +1+2+2 (5)

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game - Game 2
Green +3+15-1-2 (15)
Warriors Fans +2+7-30 (-21)
Mark Jackson (3)
Refs +5+10 (15)
Jalen Rose (1)
Carlos Santana (5)

GAME NOTES: This game was honestly pathetic. Throughout it I was so utterly annoyed that I wasn't watching OKC. Not that Golden State didn't win fair and square (okay well not fair - let's be honest after a player in another series this playoff was suspended for a game for a less severe nut-shot, I was annoyed at the typical GSW, blind eye by both the refs & even the league this time.) Honestly at this point, it's just so readily obvious the NBA wants Golden State to win, it's annoying. I can understand perhaps wanting a maybe Lakers vs Celtics Final given the history and marketability. However, this is unprecedentedly despicable - and I'm usually not one to call out league policy, simply ref mistakes.

FAGGOT notes: Now just remember, McGovern FAGGOT points work the same as normal points, despite the fact that it may seem confusing. So a +1 means you are more of a FAGGOT and thus, are derided and disrespected more - not less. Just as an additional note/query: when will Carlos Santa, the fucking worthless Ron Jeremy looking piece of shit - who just like his gross counterpart does the same fucking shit in EVERY fucking song, in every band he's played in die? I officially hate Carlos Santana. These faggot ass bay area uber-libs will literally cheer for anything with enthusiasm, no matter how played out. I bet the Olsen twins & Bob Saget could've walked out at half-time and the fans would've asphyxiated. Twits.

Now let's get into the main event: Game 3
GAME NOTES: I have to admit, I was cautiously optimistic coming into this game. I was pretty certain the Cavs would be WAY better on their home floor, however thus far the GSW had already played WAY better than the Cavs had. Then a few hours before the game Love isn't cleared to play. I was apprehensive simply because you need to outscore the Warriors and despite his defensive lapses, he's better at that than Jefferson - or maybe not? Okay, well Love is still offensively a million times better than Jefferson, but combined with the home floor advantage he proved to be one of the game's catalysts. Much to my delight Curry played like garbage despite being bailed out several times by the refs at the free-throw line to save-face in the 3rd quarter (typical for a - weak soft pussy faggot). Oh, hey does anyone remember Charles Barkley being lambasted during the OKC series for suggesting they do this exact same thing to this bitch? Body him up (they said touch him up) and suddenly it's twice as difficult for him to get in rhythm. He's a sicko, don't get me wrong, but also small and used to getting calls over contact constantly. This is part of why I disliked him so much in last years Finals and during the regular season when all the stars get all the calls, except for ones on teams the average fan don't even know about: for example the Hornet's Kemba Walker (All-Star snub, esp in the East) .
Honestly, Aside from Barnes and occasionally Klay's defence and Bogut's in the 1st, Golden state was just mediocre. I'm hoping this wasn't an anomaly, because despite the fact that I despise Cleveland and have rooted against them the entire playoffs, I hate GSW so much more.
Irving started great but then regressed and made some boneheaded turnovers. LeBron and Thompson are tied for the game, both with +9's. However, LeBron has an asterisk next to one of his points, which was for his obscene alley-opp dunk that he seemed to grab away from the backboard and behind his head - while finishing with an utterly soul crushing dunk. "Fucking sick, that's that." I thought. I also put an asterisk next to his +5 as I believe this is the first time I've ever given the... I guess you could say most dominant player in the league (those terms don't mean Steph. ,  not that he isn't the MVP) anything more than a +4. So, in terms of the McGovern Player of the Game's 16-year history, that is a first - in addition to LeBron's first McGovern Player of the Game. I'm still going to keep Tristan Thompson's name hilighted for scoring purposes however - incase LeBron never earns an addition game throughout the Finals, it'll make my tiebreak process easier.
Also of note: JR Smith has an asterisked point because he started out the game with a -5, given his pre-game tweets and media release seriously requesting fans donate like 500k to his kick-starter campaign so he could start a fucking reality show. I find this abhorrent for so many reasons I had told myself that I was going really judge him on every bad shot and if he didn't really hit some big and I meant morale draining 3's - as when his sporadic ass hit's them, that's what's normally going to happen - he'd be relegated along with Draymond Green's cheap-shotting ass in the FAGGOT category. He barely broke even, and combined with the fact that essentially no one has donated this bullshit so far and that I honestly don't tally these marks during the game - which is the only reason I display them here, I'm just marking before/after I see something. So JR Smith survives for now, barely. He's still on the FAGGOT precipice, though. Mr Green should pray that kickstarter campaign somehow succeeds though,as it is his only hope of not being the McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals, as of now.

McGovern Player of the Game - Game 3:
Golden State:
K. Thompson -2+1+2-1 (0)
Curry -2*-4+1-2-2+2-1 (-8)
Green: N/a (FAGGOT'd)
Barbosa +2+1 (3)
Livingston -1+1+1+1 (2)
Barnes +1+1+1+1+2+2 (8)
Bogut +1+1-1 (1)
Iguodala +1-1 (0)
Varejao (-1)
Clarke (1)

Cavaliers:
Irving +1+1+1+2+1-1+1+1-2+1 (6)
James +1+1-1-1+1-1+1+2-1+3+5*-1 (9)
T. Thompson +1+2+1+2+1+1+1 (9)
Shumpert -1+2+1 (2)
Frye (1)
Jefferson +2+1-1+1+2-1 (4)
Smith -5*-1+1-1-1+2-1+3+2-1+2 (0)
Love: N/a

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game - Game 3
Green +1+3+2+1+2+1+2 (12)
Warriors Fans N/a
Mark Jackson (1)
Refs +2-1 (1)
J. Rose (1)
Carlos Santana N/a (til I find an excuse)

FAGGOT NOTES: Actually Mark Jackson was fairly silent about his dumbass "man" points, more-so than normal. Warriors (bandwagon) fans were luckily non-existent. 1 isn't bad for the Refs, although, they desperately needed some legitimacy here, so we'll see if they weren't just legitimately manipulating it... Jalen Rose, I didn't have to hear your or Doug Collins at halftime, this time, unfortunately, however, I just don't like you. You're a smiley big-headed annoyance, and I saw you pre-game, even though it was muted. Senor Santana, I assure you I'll find a way to give you some more points, amigo. Although at this point, you'll need a miracle from this Charles to assure you the mantle of FAGGOT of the FINALS and a subsequent...
Reality Check.

McGovern Player of the Game - Game 1

Apparently my having an nontraditional start to the finals is ironically enough becoming a tradition. I missed the first six minutes of the first quarter because apparently women are incapable of understanding the physics of plumbing. I'll leave it at that. And as usual what was expected happened: the same two teams I didn't want to make the Finals most, made it. But this time there is a difference. A stark difference: The McGovern Player of the game will be judged more starkly than ever before. Why? Well - I don't need a reason - but I'll manufacture one - because for the second god-damn year in a row the exact two teams I didn't want to reach the finals, did so.

Oops. Now they shall be judged as such:.

McGovern Player of the Game - Game 1:
Golden State:
K. Thompson - 50
Curry - -500, -1, -1, +3, +2 (-497)
Green  - 4000 (DQd)
Bogut +2
Barbosa +1 +3
Livingston +1+2+1+2(+6)
Iguodala + (3)


Cavaliers:
Dellavedova: +2
Irving: -1+1+1+1+1-1 (+2)
James: +1-1+1+1+1+1+1-1-1 (+3)
T. Thompson: +2 +1+1+1 (+5)
Love: -1-1+1+2+1-1 (+1)
Shumpert: -1
Smith: +1

Golden State fucking anointed assholes:
Thompson: I don't like you. I don't like your goatee. I don't like anything about you. Including you eyebrows. You're almost the person I dislike most.
Curry: While I should dislike you most, for some reason I don't. Perhaps it's because your facial hair doesn't bother me as much as Draymond Greens. But it should. You're a fucking boring player who doesn't ever get fouled hard and is a tiny, blue eyed little bitch. But you're making millions while, I'm writing this, so... yeah.

And now: for the anointed cunt, I despise most: a mister Draymond Green. You utter piece of shit, you've been the dirtiest player in the entire playoffs and that's been sadly, you're entire strength.
You talk like some kind of badass and then the first fucking legit play of the finals you flop like a  HUGE FUCKING BITCH. OR A MOTHERFUCKING CUNT? Pick your poison, you pathetic piece of shit. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt but you do two low blows then you pull this shit? You're a fucking worthless cunt piece of shit asshole. Good job, you're the biggest piece of shit since the 80s Pistons. And hence Green has been subsequently DQ'd. He is no longer qualified to be a McGovern Player of the Finals, simply a McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals... and a leading candidate.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game - Game 1:
Green:+1+2+5+1+500+17+7000
Warriors Fans: +2
Mark Jackson: +1+2
Doug Collins: +3
Jalen Rose: +5

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game - Game 1:

Draymond Green: +7526

Jalen Rose, you massive headed annoyance, you are being watched as closely as I possibly still can given how terribly annoying you are.

Lost Reality Check: Once Upon a Time in Darlington...

This story starts out fairly innocently. Brandon, Tommy, Billy and I are all attending the "Southern 500." Bob Corbett is there as well and will be involved in the story shortly. Suffice to say, between the four of us we run out of beer fairly quickly. Bob Corbett man's up and tries to go get more for us, given that literally all of us are underage - man move. Unfortunately in the puritanical laws in South Carolina, you're disavowed from purchasing alcohol on Sundays. This is a setback. Temporarily...
Bob Corbett busts out some bourbon whiskey. "Can you guys handle some shots?" He asks. We all assured him we could - and we could, just the volume, in retrospect - happened to be slightly excessive.
We enter the racetrack and find our seats. I see the sun setting just as the cars come around the first turn. It was one of those beautiful sights you don't forget. Ironic, given the next series of events. Brandon, Tommy and I all went to the bathroom and that's the last thing I remember. Tommy told me that afterward he'd found me laughing hysterically pushing rental wheelchairs down a stairwell. Hilarious and slightly disturbing. I, on the other hand, don't remember reacquainting with my seat after our communal bathroom break. The sun is setting on this portion of the story, unfortunately (for me), both literally and figuratively.
I'm awoken by the sound of a car. I'm in a ditch on the side of a road, seriously. I'm utterly disoriented. What the fuck? I have nothing on my person but my wallet. Let me clarify that by nothing mean I am devoid of even shoes. I look around, barefooted and try and to figure out where I am. Nothing. The race track wasn't in sight, I am literally in the middle of fucking nowhere with nothing in sight.
"Okay Chase," I think. It's time to start trying. I hop a few barbed wire fences into businesses that clearly looked closed - and they all are. There were several houses, clearly abandoned, with massive boxes on the front porches. Bastions of potential homeless people.. my thought process was "oh they'll definitely know where a phone might be, and I have bare feet so they'll think I'm one of them."
I continue walking along the side of this abandoned road, until I get to the highway exit.
"Yes," I think. I'm on I-77, exit 23. the place where I drunkenly always convince myself I am, but have never been. I have called friends' mothers and told them I was there before, only to have them search and wait for me to no avail. Idiotic
However, it seemed I had some good luck on my side. At this odd truckstop looking place there was this guy, kind enough to offer me a ride.
"Where do you want to go?" he inquired. "Anywhere with a phone," I state.
So we're traveling down this road that's totally barren, no street lights, nothing. Then "it" happens. This guy randomly grabs my crotch area. I immediately grab his hand and stop him, somewhat twisting his arm (but he is driving, I'm somewhat restricted here).
"What are you doing, this isn't going to work... I'm not that guy."
He literally ignores me and tries it again. This time I grab him forcefully to magnify the point that I am faster/stronger and whatever weird effort he's trying, won't work. He's honestly disturbed at this point by my resistance.
It's at this point he starts propositioning me. He claimed he would seriously "suck me off for a ride back to Charlotte." He was serious. And I for half a second considered it, but no.
We finally arrived at Walmart. I was so glad to get out of this assholes car I behaved somewhat asshole-like myself at the aforementioned mega-store.
I approached the "customer service" desk and pleaded with them to use their phone. This was their response to a shoeless, desperate guy.
"If you buy a phonecard you can use the phones over there."
The phones "over there" were these shitty pay phones. However when you have no options, one looks better than none. I called Billy Corbett with the phone card I'd bought and fortunately he and Bob Corbett were on the way.
Luckily being barefooted in Walmart in South Carolina doesn't acquire much attention. So took this time to open and consume a bag of Chex Bold Party Mix, in the back of the store.
Finally, my ride home had arrived. Everyone was laughing about my journey except Bob Corbett, who was utterly convinced I was raped. But in the end the ride home was tranquil except for the slight interruption which was my story and perhaps a...
...Reality Check.

McGovern Player of the Finals - Games 5 / 6

McGovern Player of the Finals - Game 5 / 6

McGovern of the Finals - Game 5:

Well, this post detailing the Finals should be slightly different than usual. Partially because it's been written later than usual. Also, partially because I'm lazy and my right-shoulder and mouse-hand is in discomfort.
I am really not certain how the injury occurred but I can assure you trying to turn the now power-steering wheel of my car was painful and discomforting. Upon medical diagnosis today I apparently have tendinitis in my right-rotator cuff and have strained it. Not ideal for getting into beach shape - but typical.

Golden State:

Barbosa:-1+1

Barns:+2+2

Bogut:

Curry:-1-1+2+1-1-1+1+1+1+2+1+1 (6)

Ezeli: +1+1+2+1 (5)

Green: +1+1+1+1 (4)

Iguodala +1+1+1+3-2+2+2+2-1 (9)

Livingston +1

K. Thompson: +1-2+3 (2)

Cleveland:

Dellavedova: +2 +2 (4)

James: +2+1+1-2+1+1+1+1+2 (8)

Jones +1 +1+2 (4)

Shumpert +1+1+1 (3)

Smith-1-1-1+1+1 (-1)

T. Thompson +2+1+1+1+1 (6)

Game 5 was played like shit. I'll admit LeBron played well but his post game interview brought him down. He played so well, even for his ability, he nearly won which is significant in my book.

Dellavedova was pretty much ordinary in this contest, which is why he was awarded ordinarily. 

Curry did his typical playoff thing where he is invisible in the first half and comes on late.

Ezeli was actually surprisingly effective. However, once again the veteran Iguodala stepped up and played near his former Sixers level - all while guarding LeBron. Slick.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals - Game 5:

Refs: -2

R. Curry: 

M. Miller: -10, -1, -10 (-21)

Idiot Female Security Officer:

ABC Sound Screw:

A. Davis: -3

FAGGOT NOTES:

I hate Mike Miller. He's the biggest piece of white trash - who is actually rich - in the NBA. I don't give a fuck about his supposed "effort" plays. He is an injury prone, unathletic (which isn't a word according to this) white guy. If he doesn't put forth effort... he wouldn't even be in the NBA. Anthony Davis is back on the list after tangling with DK once again in another Pixels commercial. What a pity and what a fool...

McGovern of the Finals - Game 6:

Golden State:

Barbosa +1+ 2 (3)

Barnes +1+2+1-1 (3)

Bogut

Curry -1+1+1+3+1+1+1+1+1 (9)

Jones +1 -1

Green: +1+1+1+1-1+1+2+1-2 (5)

Iguodala +1+1+1+1+2+1+1

Livingston: +1+1

T. Thompson: -1 -1 +2 (0)

Cleveland:

Dellavedova: -1

James: +1+2-2+2-1+1+1-1 (4)

Mozgov +1+1+3+1+1+1+2 (10)

Shumpert -1 +1

Smith +2 +1 +1

T. Thompson +1+2+1+3+1 (8)

Game Notes:

It saddens me to have to resort to tiebreaker tactics. However, since - as I shall later explain - Iguodala disqualified himself after game 6, this is unfortunately what I was forced to do (as he would've won the McGovern Player of the Finals). It's an unfortunate exercise that has to occasionally be performed to maintain the sanctity of MPOTF. The last time this happened it was to Jason Terry, who tangentially went off thanking god in excess after a Finals win. What the fuck is wrong with these idiots? Even if there was a god, it's pretty evident it pays very little attention to Earth. If it doesn't interfere with flood, famine, plagues, or according to the idiotic book he probably believes, causes them... WHY WOULD AN OMNIPOTENT BEING HELP YOU SPECIFICALLY WIN A BASKETBALL GAME? I just don't understand why minorities in this country are so god damn religious when god clearly isn't doing them any favors - despite being omnipotent and omniscient. So god supposedly knows every terrible thing that will happen to you ever and it's content letting it all go down? Fucking idiots.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals: - Game 6
Refs -2-1

R. Curry -2

M. Miller

ABC Sound Crew +1

A. Davis

Cav's Fans -1 -1 -1

Iguodala - 600,000

FAGGOT Notes:

Why Andre? Why? Do you actually think god stuffed you on the bench all year to start you now? No one can possibly be that stupid. Oh wait, you're a pro-athlete. For some reason it's socially acceptable for you and attractive women to have actually mailed in your minds years ago. This guy was seriously seconds from winning both the Finals MVP and the more important MPOTF award, when he sabotaged himself with this cult talk. Dumb-ass-hole. If you'd like to follow J. Terry's footsteps let me assist you: -600,000 ways. Fucking faggot. New Finals record. Apologies Jason Terry.
Abc Sound Crew: They played 'Shut up and Dance," which I enjoyed. 

Series Notes:

This is a battle of attrition...so it matters not that Iguodala has a new record for FAGGOT points in a Final's game. It matters who had the most FAGGOT (and non FAGGOT) games + points in total...
Here's the breakdown - sans the missing game 2. Here are the new winners of every game - post Iggy ousting.


Winner / FAGGOT:
Game 1: Irving, Iguodala 

Game 2: ?

Game 3: Dellavedova, M. Miller

Game 4: Dellavedova, M. Miller

Game 5: James, M. Miller

Game 6: Tie: Curry, Mozgov, Iguodala

History has been made in spades. For only the second time in history, the MPOTF has come from the losing team. Also for the second time in history a new record has been set regarding FAGGOT points in a single game. LeBron James, despite his awful name, has earned his first MPOTF single game award - "who woulda thought?"

Congratulations to the blunder from down under who tore Cleveland asunder: Mathew Dellavedova. Despite being admittedly biased toward foreign players I had nothing but apathy toward the Aussie originally. Yet, his grit, grind and team effort ended up encapsulating every part of what it takes to have a winning team. 

Mathew Dellavedova is the McGovern Player of the Finals 2015

Mike Miller is the McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals 2015 - I won't elaborate because he's a white trash faggot who doesn't deserve it.

Reality Check.

McGovern Player of the Finals - Game 3 / 4

     Well there's a second in terms of McGovern player of the Finals' history. I've lost the quad-ruled steno-pad I wrote Game 2 of the finals on. The first time being when one of my enraged Mexican friends tore my McGovern Player of the Finals archives up in a fit of jealousy. I only have two quad-ruled steno pads in the entire basement and despite being certain I used one of them during game 2, the page seems to be absent from both, so I'm not sure what happened. Regardless that's part of the reason I didn't make a post about game 2. I may have had too many Clubtails during the game as well. Although, while on the subject of this emergence of the premixed mixed-drink market, I'd like to state for the record and anyone else who might mistakenly purchase the utter trash that is Bud Lite Mixxtail's not to waste their money. As an ultra-taster with impeccable taste (especially in beverages), they're simply god awful. They clearly just copied Clubtails, ruined the ratios, then strangely raised the price yet lowered the alcohol content. Yet another reason for me to despise Anheuser-Busch as a company, aside from their inferior beer, previous sponsorship of Dale Jr. and god-awful change to their ad-campaign. The old Bud Lite ad-campaign had the guy who would slowly sing sentences normally about guys doing things in slow motion. Now there's this "up for anything" campaign. Despite the fact that every single "anything" situation on a commercial thus far, is one I would be annoyed to be involved in. I'd love to see the commercial outtakes when they find the wrong combination of person-situation. What'd be even more enjoyable would be to pick the situations people who claim they're "up for anything" end up in. Every time I see these annoying ads I always think about what it truly means to be up for everything. To me that'd entail things like being dropped in the South-Eastern area of Africa where mosquito's carry sleeping sickness near a pride of lions, being raped in prison or swimming 'till exhaustion and subsequently drowning. Anyhow, I'm not a fan of Bud Lite MixxTails.

Anyhow the remaining McGovern Player of the Finals games remains among the most intriguing, at least for me at this point, as I cannot find the sheet of quad-ruled steno-pad paper with which I judged game 2. So there's potentially a new wrinkle in how this McGovern Player of the Finals will be decided that for the first time in history, I'm technically separated from the decision, despite that I made it earlier and am utterly unaware of it or its location.
All of that being said I don't have an excuse for failing to post game 3's stats. Well really, I do. It's just not a socially acceptable excuse.

Game 3:

Cleveland:
Dellavedova: +1+2+1+1+1+1+1+3+1 (12)
James: +1+1+1+1+1+2+1+1 (9)
Jones: +3+1
Mozgov: +1+1+1+1+1 (5)
Shumpert: +1
Smith: +2+1+1
Thompson: +1+1+1+1+2 (6)

Golden State:
Barbosa:+1
Barnes:-1
Bogut:+1
Curry:+1-1-1-1+1-1+1+1-1-4+1 (-4)
Ezeli:+1+1+1+1 (4)
Green:+1
Iguodala:+1+1+1+1+1 (5)
Lee:+1+1+1 (3)
Livingston:+1
Thompson:-1-1+2+1 (1)

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game - Game 3
A. Davis
Refs -1
Riley Curry
M. Miller - 1 -2

I'll briefly say Game 3 was simultaneously frustrating and rewarding for me as a fan. I love effort play, I seem to have a soft-spot for foreign players and I dislike Curry. Even though I wanted to see Cleveland lose, seeing "Woah Delly!" shut down Curry for most of the game was enjoyable.

Game 4:

Cleveland:
Dellavedova: +2*-1+1+2+2+1 (7)
James: +4*-1-1+1-1-1 (1)
Jones: +2-1
Mozgov:+1+1+1+1+1+1+1 (7)
Shumpert: +1-1
Smith: +1-1-1-1-1 (-3)
Thompson: +1+1*+2+1

Golden State:
Barns: +1+1-1+1+1 (3)
Bogut: -2
Curry: -1-1-1-2+1+1+1 (2)
Green: +1+1+1+1-1+1+1 (5)
Iguoudala: +1+1*+1+1-1+1+1+1+1 (7)
Lee: +1+1+1-1 (2)
Livingston: +1+2+3+1 (7)
Thompson: +1+1-1+1 (2)

Game Notes:
Curry continues to disappoint yet Golden state won. Win-win. Bogut looked like trash once again - no effort. Sort of odd given his fellow country-man is being lauded by Cleveland specifically for effort and intensity. Iguodala has erupted this series. To me it's even more impressive because he's done so guarding LeBron James. If you look back at even just these playoffs alone, the player defending the other teams best player almost always has an offensive production decrease. Iguodala's has increased while guarding the best player in world - supposedly. I also enjoyed a former fantasy basketball player of mine in Mozgov succeed. Similarly I'm also enjoying J.R. Smith going ice cold just in time to remind viewers why he was traded, comes off the bench, and why he can't ever truly be trusted.
*Dellavedova's first +2 was because he was montaged with Men at Work - Land Down Under. Awesome Eighties strike again.
*James's first +4 was on that down-right sick, dare I say Sabonis-like pass in the first quarter, when he hopped up and did a no-look over the head back-pass to Mozgov. For the purpose of perspective, I believe this is the first time I rewarded a star player, aside from Ray Allen, anything above a 3. The Cavs may have lost the game but so far I consider that play the best of the entire Finals.
*Iguodala's point came when T. Thompson actually came up and stuffed him. He actually tried to approach T. Thompson afterward and say "nice play" but was subsequently totally ignored. Sportsmanship.
*And the opposite side of the formerly described play was T. Thompson, totally flouting the new mentality of "let's everybody get along," and straight up giving a non-verbal fuck-off to Iguodala. Asshole move, but totally hilarious and frankly totally appropriate. I actually prefer anger, discourse and bad sportsman. They're competitive - and fans pay to see competition. Teams that dislike one another usually produce both competitively and rating wise, the best series.
 - Game 4 has been the first ever 4-player tie in McGovern Player of the Finals history. To make things interesting, I normally don't force a tiebreaker (and by force a tiebreaker I mean decide myself) ,in the earlier Finals games. This is in hopes of someone breaking through with a 2nd or 3rd game, depending on how the series unfolds.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals:
A. Davis +1
Refs -1-1-1
Riley Curry
M. Miller
Idiot Female Security Officer - 3
ABC Sound Crew -3
Cavs Fans -10

FAGGOT NOTES:
These notes involve a few changes. Someone on my FAGGOT list is actually receiving a positive point, albeit just one. One unprecedented change is that from now on and the first time in history I'm going to actually remove (as opposed to always adding) someone from the much maligned FAGGOT list. That man is Anthony Davis. I never truly disliked him but as a matter of principle I won't sit idly bye while Donkey Kong's dominion is sullied. Additionally the PIXELS commercial's seem to be rotating based on old arcade games. Thus he is constantly against different opponents. Fortunately for him, he was up against and defeated the centipede - my most rivaled and despised fiend (not the game - the arthropod). Of course, it goes without saying if he disrespects DK again, he's back on the list immediately.
When LeBron fell down and smashed his head on that camera there were several security guards / local cops that tried to "contain" the situation by attempting to remove camera men from the immediate vicinity. This utterly infuriated me. Not because I wanted to see LeBron injured or bleeding but because anyone would be fucking stupid enough to think they could actually prevent filming from probably a dozen angles from the NBA alone all focused on the court and LeBron. This moronic bitch actually put her hand in a camera and said "you can't film here." Literally the second after this happened they switched to a stadium camera and not only caught but heard everything. The sheer stupidity involved in this incident just enraged me. How could you work security at a place like that and actually think you could do anything that makes a difference is hilarious. However trying to stop the happenings from being filmed is maybe one of the only more moronic things than thinking you're going to do anything if the fans decide to storm the court.
I subtracted 3 from the ABC sound crew because they continue to play a remixed version of Style by Taylor Swift that's god awful. I think this will be a recurring penalty as there's no reason to play that pseudo-melodic garbage.
Cavs fans - or should I say Lebron fans. He's brought his true talent back to Cleveland. And despite his athletic ability and basketball acumen, his greatest talent is marketing. He's followed MJ's market-myself strategy and modified it in our current era of millisecond updates on everything and expanded. Unfortunately this the is the way social justice warriors, rad-fems and the average bandwagon fan will interact. So you have groups of polarized people who are ironically enough extremely impressionable and constantly watching social media, typically for something wrong (or to know how/what to think for fuck's sake). I'd consider that to be nearly the archetype for the worst type of sports fan. They probably don't know much about LBJ aside from his reputation, ESPN and maybe his Twitter feed. They clearly know nothing about what happened to the Spurs when LeBron's team came back and won in 2013 with Ray Allen's sick shot or they wouldn't have left. Golden State's fans actually "took over" their arena audibly because so many people left and the crowd leftover were specter-taters. LeBron is wounded, bleeding, stays in the game - and as a fan you leave early - disrespectful. The worst part, though, is the fact that all the Cavs fans had shirts listing the number of people in the arena then like "20,153 All In." Then a third of them leave halfway through the 4th quarter. They left,and they're not even all in the stadium. They're first out (or off if we're talking bandwagons). I've never liked Lebron but I really feel sorry for him regarding his live fandom. I can't imagine how much revenue he earns from fans purely from advertising on social media but unless he's winning in a rout he can't seem to hold a home crowd.

McGovern Player of the Finals - Game 1

I had an abnormal start to the Finals this year. I was rushing around unprepared making my lists just as Game 1 tipped off. This was due to running one of Chuck McGovern's ridiculous errands. My problem(s) were not related to the task itself but the sheer idiocy of me leaving at 6:00 in Charlotte to go pick up a massive heavy item in Monroe, essentially South Carolina, in rush hour.
"Don't worry, it'll only be an hour and-a-half drive, you'll be back by 7." He says.
Predictably I arrive at the location at seven. I'm fuming. During a Nascar race, during a playoff game 7, during the first finals game... these are the FUCKING GOD DAMN annoying times he picks for errands. Ironically he's utterly indifferent about these times and time in general, which makes it hard to hate his sort of ignorant milieu. However, by speeding and persistence I managed to make it home 5 minutes before the game started.

My normal pre-finals-game routine involves several alcoholic drinks or non-descript psychoactive substances. All meant to neutralize my perspective of course, I couldn't live with myself if my bias ended up ruining the most important, accoladed, important and frankly - fun awards the NBA world has probably not scene - The McGovern Player of the Finals.
Luckily, I had prepared for such a disaster. In my fridge were 3 Clubtails (10% alcohol, 16oz.) which were Long Island Ice Tea flavored. To give an idea of how efficient these things are: one light beer, let's pick Beast Light, with the highest alcohol per calorie content among any light beer, about .04.

.04% * 12oz = .48oz alcohol - Milwaulkee's Best Light
.10%*16 = 1.6oz alcohol - Club Tails

When you break it down, including the increased ounces of the Club Tails, they're easily the more efficient choice. I might even put them up with 4-Loko's in terms of value/alc-oz in can form.
Regardless, I had some catching up to do - and I did so quickly. So I murdered all 3 cans by the half-point if the second quarter. If these athletes are going to power through to entertain us, I feel it's only my will, if you will, to will my way through the lateness, the tiredness, the rushed episodes and contribute the true essence of the McGovern Player of the Finals - judgement.

Judgement day is an apropos name to give to this Final's match up. I came in disliking both teams severely for different, yet similar reasons. I dislike them both because of their star player and hype. I've always noticed I was a contrarian but I've recently realize I tend to root against whatever team/player/entity is currently favored. Thus, during this season, I pretty much hated the Warriors as everyone from or around the Charlotte area won't SHUT THE FUCK UP about this faggot Curry.
Clearly no one has shut up about LeBron since he's been in the league, so he's always annoyed me too - since his rookie anointment. 

When the playoffs started, I was watching the first game of the first round and some guy came by and asked me "so who are you rooting for?"
"Hm,"I thought. "I'm not sure... I guess I'm more rooting against the Cavs and Warriors" I said. Predictable McGovern Bullshit.
Going into the series hating both teams is something I've had to deal with before, so I wasn't concerned. Near immediately in the first quarter Bogut blocked LBJ and by my reaction I realized I was rooting for the Warriors, just not Curry - well unless they need to win - how fucking uncomfortable.

Warriors:

Barbosa: +1 -1 +1

Barnes: +1 +1 +1 +1

Bogut: +1 +1 -1 +1 +1
Curry: -1 -1 +2 +1 +1 -1 +1 -3 -1 +1 -1 (-2)
Ezeli: -1 +1
Green: -1 -1 +1 +1 

Iguodala: +1+1+2+1+1+1+3+1(11)
Speights: +1+2+1 (4)

Thompson: +1+1+1+1+1+1+1 (6)

Cleveland:
Irving: +1+1+1+1+1+3+1

James: +1-1+1-1+1+1+1-1+1+1+1(5)

Mozgov: +1+1+1+1+1(5)

Shumpert: +1+1+1

Smith: +1+1+2+ (5)

Thompson: +1+1+1+1+1 (5)

LeBron started out well but had a bunch of bad turnovers, he was subsequently penalized. Through the 3rd quarter I honestly thought Mozgov was going to steal Game 1 with his alley-oop basket cuts but Tristan Thompson is just so vital to the Cavs he was actually in the lead. However, the second-half play of Klay Thompson but mostly Iguodala helped. Not only did Iguodala prove to be a catalyst for the Warriors offense, he stymied LeBron's O pretty well and was the surge for the Warriors comeback. Although now that people here are happy about it, I'm not sure how I feel about it.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals:
Anthony Davis: -1 -1 -1
Refs: -1 -1
Riley Curry: -3

M. Miller: -1

FAGGOT NOTES:

Anthony Davis: -1-1-1 (3) I saw this commercial for movie "Pixels," where Anthony Davis, throws a basketball at Donkey Kong and obliterates him. Now keep in mind this basketball is real and DK is virtual... but what the fuck? I'm not buying it. I'm not having it. I'm not watching it. I'm not accepting with it. I officially challenging Anthony Davis to beat me as DK in any game ever. Until this is fulfilled he'll lose 1 point every time this commercial is aired.
Refs:-1-1

Riley Curry: -3 If I have to hear how cute this annoying piece of shit was again, I'm going to lose it. Imagine if you had a mentally handicapped adult cousin with the intelligence of a 3 year old, then you took him to work on "take retards to work day." How disastrous, annoying and well, retarded would that day be? This is the exact format of take your child to work day. And now it's both genders! I don't give a fuck who or where you are, but unless you have kids, it's annoying to see kids outside of work - and even worse while working! If I had to deal with them inside, which I sometimes do, I'd lose it (which luckily I haven't, yet). Curry having his kid at that press conference wasn't cute. It was disgusting. Like having a demented, autistic stray cat with savant syndrome that could speak. She was doing her own thing, crawling all over ignoring him and everyone else, while he acted like he didn't care. Typical cat owner. Doesn't care.

Just Dance

The other day I was working the door in my father's dance studio. Making sure the right people got in and paid the correct amount, etc. I did that for roughly two hours 'til the influx started to slow down. This woman, the second most attractive woman on the dance floor, approached me and asked me to dance. Supposedly dance etiquette dictates you always say yes to anyone who asks you. I absolutely didn't want to dance, so luckily I had a great excuse: sorry I can't, I'm working.
Half an hour later my excuse wasn't so solid.
"Hey you can probably get up and dance now" - she says.
"Well, I'm working, I don't think my dad would approve," I said.
My dad was apparently right behind me.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I'll watch the door." He said.
What a fucking piece of shit! I thought. He knows I neither like dancing nor enjoy it. Passive aggressive fucker.
Fortunately this woman was very forgiving in her movements and allowed me not to look totally stupid, until...
I'd seen my dad and several other experienced dancers do this twirl type thing to the woman at the end of the dance. Upon not completely sucking I had the false confidence to attempt to dip, the woman I was dancing with. It didn't work - at all.
I blame half of the debacle on gravity, a quarter of it on me, and the rest on her.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed my dad, laughing. Faggot
Apparently my "dipping" skills consist simply of gravity and grasping someone before they hit the ground. My dip didn't work at all.
Fortunately, I pulled her up to see the entire dance floor in silence, probably curious about what I was going to do next. God damnit. The experience wasn't totally lost as there was still one person smiling in the room.
Predictably, it was my father, laughing it up - and he actually winked at me - asshole.
So I walked off the dance floor solo, approached my father and said "I'm still more coordinated than you."
He laughed and said when he was my age he wouldn't make excuses - which is ironically enough, an excuse.
"How would you feel if I ambushed you with something you're totally unfamiliar with?" I said.
"I guess we'll find out when you find something you're good at." He says. What a cocky jerk.
Luckily, I have the perfect solution already in mind.
Sometimes there is a DJ at these dance events, and other times my dad simply has a timed playlist to dictate the timing of certain dance styles. Tonight was one of the nights without a DJ... initially.
An impromptu DJ was about to make an appearance. When my father started dancing I decided to take over DJ responsibilities. DJ C4 was on the floor. In the midst of some weird song that they were waltzing to, I played Billy Joel - Uptown Girl.
Everyone on the dance floor stopped for a moment. My dad included, then they all seemingly adapted and figured out whatever dance was appropriate for the song. This annoys me.
"Alright" I think. "These idiots think they're slick, we'll see..." I mumble.
I turned on Eiffel 65 - Blue. Apparently 90% of the dancers had been exposed to this song to my dismay. Almost all of them changed dance steps instantaneously.
"What the fuck is wrong with these idiots?" I thought.
Just then my dad dipped the woman who I had danced with earlier, directly in front of me - and winked at me - what a creep.
Nonetheless, I realized I was the victim of yet another...
Reality Check

McGovern Player of the Finals - Game 5

There's a truth in numbers. People often use the words numbers and stats interchangeably. Despite either word being able to describe the other, there still is more of an innate truth in numbers. Each of the previous four Finals games has seen a different winner (Ginobili, Bosh, Green and Leonard). In game 5, which had the highest of stakes (because both the eventual McGovern Player of the Finals and FAGGOT of the Finals would end up being determined - the true two crown jewels of the NBA postseason) one of those four go on to break the tie-break of one-game apiece.


MIAMI:
Allen +1 -1
Anderson -1
Beasley +2
Bosh +3* +1 -3
Cole +2*
Haslem +1
James +1 +1 +2 +1 -2
Wade -1 -1 -1 -1 -2

SPURS:
Diaw: -1 +1 +2 +1 +1
Duncan +1 +1
Ginobili +2* +1 +1 +4 +2 +2
Leonard +1 +1 +2 +3 +1
Mills +1 +1 +2 +2 +2
Parker +1 -2 -1 -1 +1

McGovern Player of the Finals: Manu Ginobili (2 Games). The truth in numbers I was alluding to earlier is in all of Manu Ginobili's numbers. He lead the Finals both in actual + / - and in the more important + / - 's from me. I heard a sportscaster aptly summerize his play when he said "somehow he manages to take 3's that feel like they should be worth 8." This is exactly the reason he's the first player in NBA history to have performed the McG-feat: winning 3 total McGovern Player of the Finals awards. There have been three-peats before, but never a McG-feat. I'm glad to give Ginobili the distinction of the first one.

* Chris Bosh started out the game with +3 because he guaranteed a win before the game. I interpreted this as him referring to winning the McGovern Player of the Finals so I awarded him for his enthusiasm.
* Norris Cole received points simply because he entered the game before Mario Chalmers did, somewhat fulfilling my previous prediction.
* Ginobili got these points for the look he had in his eye after making his first three. I could tell a feeling of redemption had ensconced him - and he was embracing it.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game:
Heat Fans 0
M. Jackson +1
Refs -2 -1 -1
J. Hill -2 -2 -4
Nos 0

McGovern FAGGOT of the Finals: Jonah Hill. I didn't bold that text as I feel this is something to be ashamed of and forever looked down upon. Jonah you are officially responsible for Miami fans not three-peating in the worst way possible. You've joined the dubious ranks of Mike Miller and Jason Terry with a badge of shame you can't lose. I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not.

McGovern Player of the Finals - Game 4

Glory days. Glory days. This isn't a reference to the Spurs of old. It's more applicable to Greg Popovich, who I'd like to unofficially label: The Boss. Americana blue coller-esque work efforts along with beating the former NJ nets in another Finals made me think of him in the third quarter of tonight's Finals game. He shouted what I interpreted as "hard pick" to Boris Diaw. It made me think of the Gatorade "hard work" commercial which LeBron James got flak for after game 3.
LeBron is sponsored by Coke and thus Powerade. After his cramp in game 3, twidiots apparently texted Gatorade. I found the company's response pretty damn funny.
"He's not one of our clients and we've been on the sideline this entire time." Referring to James not drinking Gatorade. Pretty underhanded and excellent. Gatorade has since retracted the comment. I wish I understood their thought process. All publicity is good publicity. Anyway, during the entire fourth quarter of the game I kept Bruce Springsteen - Glory Days playing on youtube.

MIAMI:
Allen +1 +1 +1
Anderson +1
Bosh +1 -1 -1 -1
Chalmers -1 +2
Cole +1
Haslem + 1
James +1 -1 +2 +1 +1
Wade -1 -3 -1 +1

SPURS:
Bonner +1
Diaw +1 +1 -1 +1 +8 +1 +1 +2 +1 +1
Duncan +1 +2 +1 +2 +1
Ginobili -1 +1 +1 +2
Green +1 +1 +1 +2 -1 -1
Leonard +1 +2 +1 +1 +7 +2 +1 +1
Joseph +1
Mills +1 +2 +2
Parker -1 +1 +1 +1 +2 +1 +2
Splitter +1 +3 +2

Not a ton happened otherwise during the game. I had suspected more Gieco or Godzilla commercials would surface to give lizard deduction points to Jonah Hill to be more frequent. Fortunately something else arose to balance things out. A Hercules commercial, featuring none other than The Rock (The Great One, the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment, Perfomer of the Rock-bottom, Perfector of the People's Elbow) showcased him fighting what I suspect to be The Hydra, a reptilian monster with regenerating heads.
An uninformed individual about the subjects of Greek Mythology and herpetology might question why I'd bother negating points from Mr. Hill here. Afterall, the Hydra has several snake-looking heads and isn't exactly a lizard. A lizard usually can regrow body parts, where a snake cannot. Thus I felt the mythological Hydra was more similar to a lizard; and subsequently deducted points from Jonah everytime the commercial came on.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game:

Heat fans -2 -2 -22 -1

M. Jackson -1 +4 +1

J. Hill -40 -6 -4 -14

Refs -1

FAGGOT notes:

HEAT fans: you're all pathetic. I personally plan on infiltrating the national weather service to name the next category 5+ hurricane something to insult you. I watched the lyrical youtube video to Will Smith's Miami after the game ended because I wondered how many lyrics I could warp to seem violent or offensive about Miami; it was all of them. I hope you all party all night when your beach is gone.

M. Jackson: not one "grown man" reference the entire game. Touche' sir.

J. Hill: ... How fucking dare you? You inconsiderate asshole, making money off of idiots who see your shit and being associated with the word "ultra" is one thing. Mingling with the problems of a half-god for attention? You've hit Rock Bottom - only in a moral sense, though. If I ever encounter you and The Rock together again in any encounter.. I will rock bottom you so hard it'll temporarily reverse the magnetization of the earth's core, allowing me to give you a People's Elbow on the way up and the way down. Fucking prick.

Refs: Haters gonna hate. Good job and no judgements here.

McGovern Player of the Finals - Game 3.

Apologies for this post's delay. I meant to type this out earlier but found myself without my trusty "quad-ruled steno book" that I use to scribble my points on earlier. Scribble would describe my hand-writing, which aside from my signature - passed down from four generations of Charles Patrick McGoverns - is probably difficult to read. Last night's game ended up being judged fairly lightly point wise (fairly implying uncharacteristic - not an antonym for heavy), for the players involved. Miami fans being essentially silenced throughout the first half helped emotions from clouding my first-half judgement.
Despite and probably as a result of the record-breaking offensive performance by San Antonio, the majority of points I awarded were because of defensive activity & acuity. I felt despite Leonard's excellent offense, his defense was sub-par and Danny Green played the most consistent throughout the game. Norris Cole also played decent defense despite that his offensive lackings were lopped in with Chalmers's. I won't be at all shocked to see him start for the HEAT and plan to award him thereupon.

MIAMI:
Allen +2 +3
Bosh -1 +1 -1
Chalmers -2 -4
Cole +3 -1
James +2 -2 +2 -1 +1
Wade +2 +2 +4

SPURS:
Bellinelli +2
Bonner +1 -2
Diaw +3 +1 +1
Duncan +1 +1 +1 +1 +4
Ginobili +2 +1 +2
Green +2 +2 +4 +4
Leonard +1 +1 +1 +2 +2
Mills +2 +2
Parker +3
Splitter +2

While trying not to listen to Bill Simmons's, Sage Steel's (total porn name) and Jalen Rose's first half analysis something caught my ear. Although it was storming outside I knew that wasn't it. It sounded like something hand landed on my back door. For some reason I really thought it might've been a bat. There's a wooden deck over my door which makes it a nice place for creatures to seek shelter. I've discovered most existing non-aquatic animal phyla there so far, aside from the ever elusive mammal. This was my chance. I sauntered up to my door, while switching on the outside light as this wouldn't matter much to what I suspected it was. Upon opening I saw no movement but the rain yet immediately heard the vibration once again. It was coming from directly above me, the ceiling tile on the inside. When I shut the door and jumped up to poke it and heard an odd rustling, I didn't know how to react. The movement pattern seemed to systematic to be a mouse or mammal, yet too light to be even a large spider. After repeating my jump-step-listen combo I decided I needed some tools. I slinked off and retrieved a step-ladder, a mini-flash light and a baseball bat.
It was time to start spying. After removing a couple of ceiling tiles and poking around with my bat I discovered it was a lizard Wikipedia described as being secretive and agile. Slick. Still waiting for half-time to end I decided to see what Wikipedia would say about "ultra-hearing." Hearing aid and Ultra boy were among the initial results. Both valid choices but I ended up clicking the one about Ultra-boy. To my unfortunate surprise I discovered it was a DC superhero (Jo Nah of the planet Rimbor). Jonah Hill will now suffer point deductions for every lizard reference throughout the duration of the finals.

McGovern FAGGOT of the Game:
Heat Fans -1 -600
M. Jackson -1 -2 -2 +1
J. Hill -60 -4
Refs -2 +2 +1

FAGGOT notes:

Heat Fans: Worst fans in the history of the league. I don't even particularly like James much but I really feel sorry for him regarding them. One would almost think after Game 6 in last years Finals they'd have learned their lesson. They walk out at half-time during a Finals game the year after their team made one of the best come backs of all time (as if walking out during the Finals isn't bad enough). They never cheer for their team unless it looks like they're guaranteed to win. I was actually about to award them their first points during the teams resurgence in quarter 3 when Miami looked poised for a comeback. Then Boris Diaw made an excellent play and they were instantly silenced while never making one more even half-way convincing chant the rest of the game. Fucking ingrates. They're the fan versions of Jonah Hill. Fat, worthless, whitewashed and entirely unconvincing.

M. Jackson: Most of his deductions were for continually saying "grown man" in some form or another.

J. Hill: I can't believe this fucker is associated in any way with the word ultra.

Refs: I have to admit they've been better this series than in the rounds leading up to the Finals.